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| Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew | 
 enlarge | Author: Sherrie Eldridge
Publisher: Delta
Category: Book
List Price: $15.00
Buy Used: $5.97
You Save: $9.03 (60%)
New (35) Used (38) from $5.97
Avg. Customer Rating:  177 reviews
Sales Rank: 3997
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 240
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.8
ISBN: 044050838X
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.734
EAN: 9780440508380
ASIN: 044050838X
Publication Date: October 12, 1999
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: Sound Copy. Mild Reading Wear.
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Product Description
"Birthdays may be difficult for me."
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 172 more reviews...
 What a joke. October 6, 2008
There isn't enough scientific evidence in the universe to substantiate the claim that babies in the womb feel their mother's emotions and gain their identity from it, like this author claims. Nor can I see evidence that newborn babies grieve for their mother. I CANNOT swallow this premise the entire book relies on. As a mother of adopted and non-adopted children, I can tell you that my newborn bio children didn't know me any more than my newborn adopted child did. It seems so convenient that adoption gives this author the source of her problems. If she weren't adopted, I wonder what she would attribute her problems to, because she would no doubt have them no matter who raised her.
I'm so upset that this garbage is a required read from our adoption agency. There are so many more helpful books.
 Not Really Twenty Ideas August 17, 2008
Sherrie Eldridge, who was adopted as an infant, shares her insights about the deep-felt loss and guilt that can be part of the adoption experience. This was not always an easy book to read, especially in my role as a soon-to-be adoptive dad, but there were some powerful lessons here, as well as a wealth of ideas about parenting.
At the core of this book is the idea of grief and mourning. Whether conscious or not, adopted children have suffered a loss, and they Eldridge believes that it is necessary for this loss to be grieved in order for true emotional integration to take place.
Eldridge draws from a variety of sources, including books and studies on adoption, as well as interviews with many adopted persons, adoptive parents, and (to a lesser extent) birth parents. She includes insights from counselors and therapists who have helped their patients work through adoption-related issues.
The research is extensive, but mostly anecdotal in nature. The author's ideas make sense, but are not always backed up, and it's easy to fall into the trap of simply attributing every behavior or feeling to adoption-related issues. That being said, the parenting advice in this book is quite good, and it definitely raises questions that might not be immediately obvious for those interested in becoming adoptive parents.
The "twenty things" probably could have been cut down to about eight or so, since many of them are restatements of the same basic ideas. Still, there are plenty of ideas and concepts in this book that are definitely worth reflecting on.
 A good book, but I wish it was even better August 13, 2008
As my husband and I consider adoption we are reading as much as we can to insure that our future child is raised with all of the tools necessary to be a healthy, happy human. While this book provides good insights into what adopted children may go through, I felt that the book was really designed for people who have not given much thought to the adoption process and it's effect on a family. While I don't want to go into parenting with rose colored glasses, I often felt that the book was negative toward the process. It seemed that the author thought that her experience as an adoptee was universal. I know many happy, well adjusted adoptees. I am still looking for the book that deals with the issues adopted kids (and their parents) will face, but that isn't condescending in tone. We have not adopted yet, so I do not know how I will feel about this type of book once I am actually mothering an adopted child, but for now this book was not exactly what I was looking for.
Depressing, and Discouraging August 5, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
My husband and I are in the middle of the adoption process, and this book was so dark and depressing that I could not get through it. It makes adoption out to be a terrifying, wounding experience that the adoptee will never get over. In addition, it made me as a prospective adoptive mother feel horrible and guilty for wanting to adopt a baby. Books like this will keep people from adopting and will prevent birth mothers from forming adoption plans.
In fairness, it does highlight some important issues surrounding adoption, but it does so in such a dark way that it left me feeling helpless and unsure of what I am doing. I cannot recommend this book to anyone who is considering adoption. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!
 See What the Kids Think July 17, 2008
Before, during, or after you adopt read this book! It could prepare, protect, or propell your relationship with your adopted child. In my work as a speaker on family issues, I have adoptive parents ask for resources. This is one book I can highly recommend.
The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start
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