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Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most |  | Authors: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher
Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics)
Category: Book
List Price: $16.00
Buy Used: $5.49
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Seller: btibbitts2
Rating:  155 reviews
Sales Rank: 421
Media: Paperback
Edition: 1
Pages: 250
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.4
Dimensions (in): 7.7 x 5 x 0.6
ISBN: 014028852X
Dewey Decimal Number: 158.2
EAN: 9780140288520
Publication Date: April 2000
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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 | ISBN13: 9780140288520 | | | Condition: New | | | Notes: BUY WITH CONFIDENCE, Over one million books sold! 98% Positive feedback. Compare our books, prices and service to the competition. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed |
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| Editorial Reviews:
Amazon.com Review
We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman
Product Description
Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.
Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times
"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist
"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters
"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 155
 Fabulous Communication Tool! July 23, 2010
M. Nerney (Maine)
I have suggested this book to everyone I know. It really breaks conversations down to our own issues and assumptions. You are forced to deal with the three conversations that are really happening: The 'What really happened?'conversation, The emotions conversation, and the Identity conversation. Once I really tore apart some of the conversations that I had been wanting to have with these ideas in mind, they didn't seem to very difficult at all. One of the key messages is that avoidance is just as bad as having the conversation because it erodes relationships. There is also a huge focus on assumptions. We always give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, yet how often do we really do that with others? It is a quick, easy read that will leave you ready to tackle the big conversations in your own life.
Easy reading June 29, 2010
Ivo Michalick (Belo Horizonte, MG Brazil)
Easy to read, full of immediately applicable advice, and focused on a subject relevant to any human being: interpersonal relationships. I learned as much from this book as from seven years of psychotherapy (but then again maybe I learned only because the therapy prepared me to really listen...). I even bought a copy to my former boss!
 Difficult Conversations June 14, 2010
Tawn E. Head (Albuquerque, New Mexico)
I had heard that this was a good book for those in my field: Psychotherapy, and it is indeed. But it is a great book for dealing with any situations that trigger emotions in any setting: family, work,and social settings. It is a well written, easy to follow book that gives the reader new tools. I have been recommending it to others that I supervise as well as friends and family.
Useful reading for business people and those who seek to improve relationships April 17, 2010
David Kim (High Point, NC)
This is a useful book, but in my mind, is applicable very narrowly to certain business situations.
Throughout our lives, how many times do we feel that if only we could have communicated better, we wouldn't be where we are. If I communicated more clearly and with purpose, would my relationship be better? Would my friendships be less strained? Would my interaction with my co-workers be less awkward? Would I have been promoted more quickly, or prevented being fired?
While this book doesn't present answers to such specific scenarios, the book analyzes elements having a difficult conversation in a methodical manner, 'to discuss what matters most.' In that sense, the book is instrumental for any manager to become familiar with, in order to address those instances that organizational leaders inevitably face: how to confront difficult people or situations and dealing with them in a proper manner. Analytically speaking, the authors break down the conversational approach into three types: 1) "What Happened"?, 2) Feelings, and 3) Identity Conversations.
The book itself is an offshoot of the Harvard Negotiation Project (an earlier title from that project is the famous "Getting to Yes" by Ury and Fisher).
My opinion of book's main limitations are two-fold: One is that it might best pertain to hierarchical organizations. Otherwise, it's not always helpful to have structured approach when talking about matters of heart ... it doesn't work that way in life. When it comes to things of heart, honesty, confession, and parable may be more appropriate, to present a few examples. Second limitation is that even in a business setting, what leads to difficult conversations are bad management and engagement amongst co-workers. In that case, the problems arise long before the need for a difficult conversation.
Hence, in my mind, this book is applicable very narrowly to certain business situations.
Best Communications Book on the Market March 26, 2010
Marty Jacobs (East Thetford, VT)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This is one of the best guides for effectively handling difficult conversations - those conversations that are often fraught with emotion and conflict. Difficult conversations all share a common structure, which is the gap between what is said and what is not said. The authors, all members of the Harvard Negotiation Project, first outline the underlying structures that make conversations difficult and then move to discussing an approach that alleviates those problems. The main thrust of the book is to enter the conversation from a learning stance, rather than one that is judgmental or defensive. Other key elements for successfully navigating a difficult conversation are to understand the difference between impact and intent and to focus on interests rather than positions. The authors tie everything together at the end of the book by revisiting one of the scenarios used throughout the book and coaching one of the participants in this scenario through the conversation.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 155
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